The One, The Only... White Widow

Ever since I was a young Stoney Boy I had always asked the question, "What is the best kind of weed?" The number one answer that I got time and time again was WHITE WIDOW. There are many beautiful pictures of this plant all over the internet but this was the first time to see it for myself up close and personal. I've seen it at clubs for as much as 60 but I was able to get an eighth for 45 dollars.
Now as crystal covered as this bad boy is on the outside, once you break it open it is just pure white dust. The smell after grinding it was like walking through a beautiful meadow hella baked. I grinded a small nug and it basically looked like pure kief. I will be going over kief in an upcoming blog but for now lets just say kief gets you higher than shit.
This famous strain is a hybrid but is mainly sativa which gives you a crazy head high. Everything is hella funny and you feel like a retard. The initial high was intense and awesome but it faded faster than I would have thought. Probably after an hour it mellowed out quit a bit. But don't worry, being the Stoney Boy that I am I quickly loaded a big bowl of Grand Daddy Purps to keep me rockin.
So there is is... White Widow... Likely considered the greatest weed known to mankind has been crossed off the list. But not to worry, there will be many more strange and exotic strains to learn about on our stoney adventure together!

Giving Money To Terrorists

This little devil is called AFGHANI GOO. Or AFGOO. Afghan's grow this stuff in their sand and rocks and caves and sell it to soldiers to bring home and redistribute across the US. All the money sold from Afgoo goes directly to Al Queda. Now much like most middle easterners this weed looks and smells kinda grimy. But if there's been one theme of this blog  so far its been never judge a weed by its color.
Although not the prettiest plant it does give you a pretty nice mellow clear headed high. Afghani strains are an indica and the Goo part comes from a California strain that is mostly indica. The taste is nothing special, like the Afghan's that grew it. Afghani strains are known for their high resin content. Here's a quick resin lessin. Resin is like taking the strongest most psychoactive part of the plant and condensing it into a super potent ball. Here's an example so you alcoholics can relate. Let's say drinking a beer is like smoking a bowl of weed. Then smoking a bowl of hash is like taking 3 shots of everclear. Same stuff, more powerful.
So why is Afghani weed so good for resin? Because it has to be. Think about how shitty it would be to live in Afghanistan. You would need to be super baked off some good resin all the time to escape the heat and the ugly women and the smell of everybody.
Stoney Boy Tip Of The Day- Here is my official ranking on what race grows the best weed...
1. White people- They spend the most time and have the best resources and are much smarter.
2. Afghans- Although very unappealing (like the Afghans), it does the job fairly well (unlike the Afghans).
3. Mexicans- Terrible, terrible weed but... well there's nothing good to say really.
4. Blacks and Asians tie because neither grow weed. Asians are too lame and Black people don't have the space, resources, will-power, or knowledge to grow and if they ever did, one of their own would steal from them, kill them, or snitch on them.

Green Crack

No clever title needed for this weed, GREEN CRACK speaks for itself. The main difference between green crack and white crack is that black people don't generally smoke Green Crack. I was given a sample of this weed from a friend but Green Crack usually sells for about 45-50 dollars an eighth. This is a very well respected sativa and for good reason. The light green coloring is just beautiful and the trichromes completely cover the bud. It is light and fluffy and has even more white furs on the inside than the outside. It has a nice weedy smell but isn't as strong smelling as other popular strains. It has a fresh taste and the high comes on very fast. Unlike regular crack, this stuff lasted a pretty long time. I'm talking about 4 hours or more. It makes your eyes feel like they are bleeding and your head might explode, but in a good way. Many people say the high is energetic and almost euphoric. I was huddled under a blanket watching Real World but extremely content (Dustin is a fag). I've heard about this strain for a few years and I'm glad I finally got to test it out. Green Crack did not let me down. However, had I been black, I may have been greatly disappointed.
Stoney Boy Tip Of The Day- Everyone knows it's ok to be racist in blogs because black people don't read blogs. Smoke rocks!

You Dirty Dog

So this is STAR DOG. It has a nice green and orange coloring, similar to AK- 47. It has a pretty good amount of crystals considering what it is... Remember in the Grand Daddy Purple blog when I said never judge a weed by it's color? This is a perfect example of that. I was actually given a free eighth of this weed after buying an eighth of much better stuff. So why would they give away this great looking weed? Because this is somebody's first attempt at growing weed and they brought it around to the clubs trying to find a steady seller. The problem is that this weed smells like cat piss and dirt. It tastes like dirt and burned popcorn. It does get you a pretty good head high but it's slow to hit you and short lasting. This is the stuff that a drug dealer sells you while they go and smoke the top shelf shit. Another good thing about this weed (from a drug dealers stand point) is that you can buy this stuff dirt cheap from the clubs. You could buy a 1/2 ounce of this for 50 and turn around and sell it for 200 easily. And all the while the people buying it are seeing it and thinking, wow what a great deal. Like I said before, that 55 dollar medical marijuana card pays itself off within a week.
Stoney Boys Tip Of The Day- Watch "Game Of Thrones" on HBO.

Aftermath...

Now I wouldn't be a true Stoney Boy if I didn't know way more than I should about this ugly stuff. You may be asking yourself, "What the fuck is that shit?" Well my fellow stoners and stonettes, this is AFTERMATH. It's called that because it makes your brain feel like it does after math...I'm only kidding of course. LOLZ right? Actually it is called aftermath because this is what your weed turns into after vaporization. Remember when I told you the importance of a vaporizer? This is all of the plant material that would have normally gone into your lungs when you use any other smoking device. Pretty gross. So why would i keep all of the aftermath in a tupperware container? For a rainy day of course! Although most of the THC was boiled off of the bud there are still many other strong components in marijuana that get you high besides THC.
Now although this stuff may look and smell disgusting, it actually makes some really great tasting and potent brownies. So you get really high from vaping your weed, then you get really high from eating that same weed. Talk about bang for your buck!
But there's a dark side to aftermath as well... As some of us broke ass Stoney Boys know, sometimes you just gotta get high. Now you may have smoked all your weed, scraped all your resin, and drank all of your cough syrup the night before...So what do you do? You can actually smoke this aftermath from a bong or pipe or even a nasty joint. The feeling is like an immediate bad headache and a pounding sensation behind the eyes that can somewhat pass for being high. The taste of burning hair and garbage will stay on your breath for hours and your friends will be mad that they can't have brownies because your scrubby ass smoked all the aftermath again.
Stoney Boy Tip Of The Day- Although the actual bud is the part most responsible for getting you high, all of the plant has psychoactive ingredients. So save your stems, leaves, and aftermath to make some cannabutter on your next rainy day! (Sorry Seattle and Tacoma)

It's Purple!

The Grand Daddy of them all (all the purples anyways). That's right it's GRAND DADDY PURPLE time! Because everybody knows that purple weed must get you higher... Actually the purple coloring on weed is caused by growing the marijuana at a colder temperature. Many Alaskan strains are purple because of this. This also means that very poor quality weed can be grown to be purple and sold for much more than it would normally go for (Trinity Habor anyone?).
There is not a very strong smell from the Grand Daddy but it definitely tastes delicious. This was the top shelf purps at 45 dollars an eighth. Definitely a reasonable price for such fine bud. This is a very strong indica strain that I like to call a "creeper". The onset took about 20 minutes to kick in as I sunk deeper and deeper into the couch.  This plant is perfect for relaxing but not really for going out and being a super party bro because you'll be thinking about getting more high the whole time because it feels fuckin good. You can keep a fairly clear head compared to many weeds but the body high is really strong and relaxing. It is hard to do tasks (such as blogging) without your mind wandering off to stupid shit time and time again.
Stoney Boy Tip Of The Day- Never judge a weed by its color.  ;)

What's To Come...

I've compiled a list of weeds to review over the next year. Let me know if there are any I should add. Here we go...
White Widow
Grand Daddy Purple
Charlie Sheen
Gods Gift
Black Knight
Bubba Kush
Purple Urkle
Mr. Nice
Snow Cap 
Goo
Grape Ape
Green Crack
Herojuana
Queen
2012 OG
Great White Shark
Chem Dawg
Octopus
UK Cheese
Star Dog
Fruit Loops
Jack Herrer (J-1)
Headband
Sour Diesel
Blue Dream
Grim Dawg
Super Silver Haze
Strawberry Cough
Woody Kush
Laker Balls
Alaskan Thunder Fuck
Blackberry Kush 

Phew... gonna be a fun year. Too bad I wont remember it. Let me know if I missed some.I will be crossing out the strains as I go. I will also be going over edibles, tinctures, hash, kief, and anything else I can stick in my veins!
Stoney Boy Tip Of The Day- When planning an epic trip to a dispensary, always call ahead because more than likely they got shut down the week before. Always have a few backup dispensaries lined up. If using the iphone, I recommend using Weedmaps. It shows you where every dispensary is, what strains they have, and customer reviews. Breaking the law has never been so easy or convenient!

You Don't Know JACK!!!

Perhaps the best bud I've met so far. This strain was named after legendary grower and pot activist Jack Herrer. This offshoot is J-1, which is a pure sativa that makes your head explode for about an hour. Perfect for funny movies or MTV shows or pounding off. J-1 has a fruity flavor that just punches you in the nose. It tastes delicious and it is so hairy that I don't like touching it because it sticks to my sweaty hands. At 50 dollars an eighth it is a relatively good deal. All eighths I've tried so far weighed 4.0 or better.
Stoney Boys tip of the day- Although vaporizing weed is totally healthy and fine for your lungs, some of you are still big pussies. But you are in luck because there is an endless number of other ways to get high as fuck. There are brownies, cookies, drinks, candy bars, gum, suckers, coffee, lotion, and something I'm interested in trying next... It's called a tincture. This is basically a shit load of good weed that is put in a high amount of alcohol for half a year and then gets extracted down to the size of a small bottle. It comes with a dropper and you drop one or two drops under your tongue and you get high as fuck within 15 minutes. Is anyone thinking what I'm thinking?... Prank time!!! Hey Mike when are you coming to Cali next?...

God Save The Queen

God save the QUEEN because it's 50 dollars an eighth. The Green Queen is actually a hybrid strain which means an indica plant was mixed with a sativa. The high created from Queen is an intense and lasting full body and mind high. This one is fun to do with friends in a comfortable environment, but not for going out in public because you'll be high as shit and things can get weird (unless that's what your into). The bud is a dark green and is very dense. It is completely covered with short white trichromes and has an intense "good weed" smell. Hail to the Queen! (or inhale)
Stoney Boy tip of the day- A 55 dollar medical marijuana pays for itself in less than a week as a low level drug dealer. It's easy to get and makes everything more convenient. I have 43 dispensaries within a 30 minute radius. No more shady drug deals. No more getting ripped off. No more fear of getting pulled over. If I had to describe getting a medical marijuana card in two words they would be... GAME CHANGER.

Weed From The Future

2012 OG. That's right someone had to go into the future and bring this weed back to sell it to me for 60 dollars an eighth. Completely ridiculous, I know. This is a beautiful dark green/purple tint. This is some amazing shit and you can see how sticky it is. This strain is a pure indica. It gives you an incredibly relaxing body high and is a great sleep aid. It's just too bad we wont get to smoke 2013 OG, you know, because of the Mayans and shit.
Stoney Boy tip of the day- So in my previous blog I reviewed Octopus, a pure SATIVA strain. Sativas give you a strong fucked up head high that leads to fits of laughter and jubilation. This current blog is on the other strain of marijuana called INDICA. Indica produces a nice body high that makes you lazy as shit. Knowing what different weeds can do can greatly enhance your experience with them. For instance, a sativa would be a great way to start your day with a positive outlook and an indica would be great to smoke the second you get home from work to help you chill the fuck out, eat like a king, and sleep like a baby.

Octopuses Garden

Stoney Boys first review is on OCTOPUS. This particular sativa strain stood out to me because of its fruity scent. This is likely caused by the growers involving sugar in their growing water. Who knew, right? Octopus is a beautiful light green color and is well covered in long white furs. This was an average priced bud at 45 dollars an eighth. Being a sativa plant, the high is very "heady". Octopus made me really excited to get jacked, but took away all ability to get off the couch and stop watching "The Little Fockers", even though it sucked balls. So what did I learn? I'd like to be under the sea in an octopuses garden in the shade.
Stoney Boys tip of the day- If you are going to get high before work, make sure to give yourself a two hour window between your last bowl and clocking in. Remember, "A stoned employee is a bad employee".

Popping My Green Cherry

So as everyone knows, going into a dispensary for the first time is called popping your green cherry. It is quite the experience and I recommend that everyone does it at least once before they die. So first off you go into a sketchy room and fill out paperwork. All of the other patients are your stereotypical white guys with dreads, skinny chicks covered in tattoos, and black people. They are also all way too high to be in public, as are the employees and the security guard. Then they call you into a smaller room that reminds me a lot of heaven. Usually a hot Stoney chick with an unreal amount of weed. I could sit there and sample for hours, but there was an impatient black man behind me who eventually just stepped in front and said, "look man all I want is two fuckin blunts". So I walked out with edibles and four different kinds of weed. So after popping my green cherry I went home and got "vraped" by my vaporizer. Tomorrow I will go over the results of my new "best buds" in unnecessary detail.
Stoney Boy tip of the day- You'll learn that having a medical marijuana card quickly spirals into drug dealing.

Grand Daddy Purpose.

Stoney Boys Best Buds is about one mans year long quest to get super stoney and make the most of his 55 dollar medical marijuana card. I will be reviewing all of the amazing buds that I've spent too much money on and give uber chill advice on how to live the life of Stoney Boy.

Now first things first... I would advise anybody who plans on being super baked for a year straight to get a few essentials that will pay off big time in the long run;
1. A decent metal grinder with a kief catcher. You can find this on Amazon for about 12 bucks.
2. You MUST invest in a vaporizer. You can get a decent one for about 50 bucks on Amazon or you can be a fucking stoney bro and buy a 500 dollar volcano. Why is a vaporizer so important you ask? Because you are essentially boiling the THC off of the weed, there are no combustible substances that you inhale. That means there are no carcinogens or tar and getting high is now 100 percent healthy. Now you may be thinking to yourself..."My bong takes all the bad stuff out anyways." WRONG!!! The water in a bong does a better job of filtering out the THC than it does the tar. Not to mention the heat from a lighter burns THC at such a high level that it actually inactivates its fun properties. Smoking from a bong gets you about 30-35 percent of the THC from your weed. In comparison, vaporizing gets you 85 percent and upward. So what does all of this "boil" down to? VAPORIZERS GET YOU MUCH HIGHER OFF OF LESS WEED AND IS 100 PERCENT SAFE ON YOUR LUNGS. (Not to mention you can use your leftover weed for brownies.)

Here is an ideal Stoney Boy setup that costs probably around 60 dollars (not including weed).

Stoney Boy Tip Of The Day- Fake a limp down to your doctor today and tell him you need some medical marijuana, and lets begin our super chill adventure together!